Anytime I had to write an essay in high school, there was that one overeager friend who just couldn’t help but ask if I needed help.
That friend’s name was Clippy, and he was an annoying, animated paper clip whose reign of terror lasted for as long as we had a Windows computer. (SORRY I DIDN’T HAVE REAL FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL.)
Stop. Stop that. Are you seriously trying to flirt with me, Clippy?
He’d bounce around, look you right in your goddamn eyes with a drunken stare and say,
Hi I’m Clippy! I’m the browser assistant and my job is to help you navigate this page. Do you need assistance?
No, Clippy. I need you to leave me the hell alone. This was me in Microsoft Word all day, every day:
Thanks to a third-party developer named “yoman821,” you can now make your lives so much worse by downloading the paper clip that could shapeshift into a bicycle or a check mark as a Chrome extension at the Chrome store.
Why you’d want to do that is beyond me.
I liken Clippy’s return to that of Imhotep in “The Mummy.” We should never have brought this dangerous creature back to life.
If it’s 3 am, and someone’s knocking on my front door, you know who the last person I want to see through my eyehole?
Clippy is the one who knocks.
*Literally has chills for the rest of the day*
There’s no word yet as to whether or not Microsoft will allow this extension to continue to exist.
Hopefully, the company takes a cross and some holy water and permanently destroys this evil entity for all coming time.
I’m like 80 percent that’s how you’d have to remove this Chrome extension, technologically speaking.
One thing’s for sure. We must never resurrect AIM’s Smarter Child. Never.