There’s always a reason for everything. Whether it’s spilling brewed coffee on your favorite white dress due to clumsiness or winning the lottery just because of mere luck; things happen according to a pattern brought about by a cause which later accounts for a corresponding effect. It’s like the way that relationships prosper or flounder as to how people interact with each other. With this, I have thought of reasons – five reasons why it fell apart, the things we usually fail to acknowledge until it’s too late to bring back what’s already gone.
1. You can’t stop bickering, no matter how many times I said stop.
Conflicts can be resolved through proper communication. It’s always recommended to settle things by hearing each other out, without having to interrupt and throw shade when one explains. Despite this, you bombarded me with childish accusations and hurtful remarks, such words that stabbed me on the chest. I hope you thought of how our constant arguments made me long for the person I once knew – reasonable and well-tempered, avoids every possibility of us ever having to fight because you would always say how much I meant to you. I have grown tired of putting up with all the blame even if it’s not my fault. All those vile words repeated in my head with my heart hurting up to the moment I closed my eyes for slumber.
2. I was ambiguous and cynical, blessings in disguise.
Who would have thought that a girl like me would catch your eye? I bet all those who chased after you would kill to be in my place. There were instances wherein I found myself dampened by uncertainty to the point that I wasn’t so sure about anything – even us. All attempts to plead with those flamboyant words, reminding me of how fortunate it was for me to have you would fall into the drain every single time because it just didn’t feel right anymore. It’s as if life has a funny way of giving me a taste of reality, turning those beautiful words and gestures into poison. I wanted to get away from them desperately with a hope of saving some dignity for myself and giving you the chance to meet someone better (or maybe it was me who needed to find someone better). When it was over, I silently thought of how I felt like a pet bird free from her cage, getting an opportunity to soar over blue skies breathing in the fullness of the life she was deprived from.
3. You gave me everything and nothing.
It’s indisputably ironic how you’re both selfish and generous. The way you surprise me with the dumbest and greatest things just to show that you care catches me off guard. I find it sweet whenever you offer the last slice of cake because I knew it was your favorite. A moon willing to hide underneath the darkest of the night for the stars to be accentuated in the sky. With that, I could not understand why you sometimes decide to disappear when we needed to work things out or simply when I needed you the same way whenever I was there if you wished to exhaust all your frustrations about the world as I chastised your heavy heart. Imagine a plant deprived of its needs – crucial factors for its survival, I am that abandoned plant left to wither in a corner. Funny how that plant learned to live, she was close to death but luckily, some people were more generous of their light; watering the plant with love in the process.
4. We shouldn’t have pretended to be fine.
Like a show with a script, a make-believe array of events, it hurt me to put on something unnatural and insincere. Those fabricated smiles, forced laughter, and concealed truths broke my heart or rather, what was left of it. I disliked the idea that we went on with our lives, ignoring the issue right before our eyes. We both chose to push the reality aside as if we waltzed into a ballroom pretending that we knew the steps only to endure the humiliation and defeat as everyone else witnessed us ruin the dance. I am not exactly sure why I agreed to such a set-up, fooling you and myself in the process in the attempt to allow things to go back to normal but instead, causing it to come crumbling even faster than I anticipated.
5. I should’ve known better when it all started.
Maybe if I walked out the moment I saw the signs, I would have spared myself from such a miserable fate. A deer caught in the headlights, freezing in place despite the evident danger. If she ran swiftly enough, she could have prospered and lived in all her grace. Everything turned out wonderful, intoxicating for a naïve girl to believe in fairytales but just like those stories, there were unfortunate events that made the protagonist realize that life (or love, if you want to see it that way) is not always about merry-making and kindness. I was lured to believe that love was all about kisses in the rain and caresses on the cheek as seen in the movies – blaming how I never felt that way before, oblivious. Those instances when we started to argue often should’ve been a clear sign for me to end ties with you. Intoxicated by such a new and enthralling venture, I went with it despite the dangers that came with a dysfunctional relationship.
Love didn’t come with instructions but it’s better to be aware and vigilant of why it could fall apart. It was good when it lasted but some things are greater when they’re over. There are no more tears to be shed nor words to be uttered. I believe that if I were to love again when the right one comes, I’ll be more ready. I could taste the sky and smell the flowers like I used to, after finding out these reasons which hindered me from doing so.