I Don’t Think I Should Tell You This

by Ike Obudulu Last updated on March 18th, 2017,

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I’m not supposed to tell you this but

sometimes I text you and immediately turn my phone off. I hide it underneath a pillow or two, stick it in my dresser drawer or other random spots hoping I’ll forget I’m waiting.

sometimes I’m more eager. sometimes I keep the sound turned all the way up.

sometimes I think these really terrible and dark thoughts and want to tell you to see if our levels of bleeped up match. I’m calculating how much I can get away with sharing. I’m testing the waters.

sometimes I keep it shallow on purpose.

sometimes I see things in shop windows or online and decide you might like them. they’d make you smile, laugh, or maybe, just for one stupid moment, feel like someone cares. sometimes I decide that’s a bad idea, I’d rather save my money.

sometimes I don’t save my money.

sometimes I wonder if you like me or if I’m just obsessed with the chase.

sometimes I’m afraid if you were ever all the way in, I suddenly wouldn’t be.

sometimes I book Airbnbs near you because I’m impulsive and make decisions at 2 am that aren’t well-thought-out.

sometimes I create excuses to see you and still cancel last minute.

sometimes I feel like there’s a reason for all of this.

you, a nick on my heart.

it’s not like it hurts.

but it’s not exactly going away either.

Author

Ike Obudulu

Ike Obudulu

Versatile Certified Fraud Examiner, Chartered Accountant, Certified Internal Auditor with an MBA in Finance And Investments who has both worked for and consulted with some of the world's largest companies on main street and wall street in over 20 countries, Ike brings his extensive reporting and investigations experience to bear on his role as Chief Editor.
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