Ah, ghosting. It’s the dating phenomenon that happens when people are too cowardly to actually end things with the people they’ve been seeing, so they choose to just… disappear instead.
Ghosters are idiots. But if you’ve ever been ghosted, know that you’re not alone.
In this weekly column, I share a tale of a time a reader was ghosted (with accompanying screenshots) so you can see the last text that was sent or words that were uttered before someone decided to disappear forever. I present to you: Boom, Ghosted.
This week we have Julie* who was ghosted by a guy her best friend set her up with after one awkward night.
In the summer of last year, a guy I’d been dating decided to call things off out of the blue.
As a result, for the next few months, I went into man-hating mode and refused to date or invest my time in anyone of the male variety.
My friend Alice had been seeing a colleague of hers for the last five months or so. Nothing serious, although I’m sure she figured it had the potential to be.
Long story short, the guy she’s seeing lived a couple of hours away from me, and she was desperate for an excuse to travel to see him.
I work in sports, so I was able to get us tickets to see the footy, which then led to the proposal of a double date. Alice and Greg* and then myself and Greg’s best friend, Mark*.
As I was still anti-commitment and attempting to avoid anything serious, I genuinely saw this ‘double date’ as a bit of fun, and if anything happened, I figured it would be a one-time thing.
We went to the rugby and out for drinks after, and I literally had one of the best nights ever. Mark and I hit it off, and one thing led to another.
When leaving for London the next morning, I was in high spirits. I didn’t think anything would come from it, and I’d had fun — the perfect arrangement!
Mark then ended up adding me on all forms of social media and messaging me. Before I knew it, we were messaging each other every single day. Not just small-talk messages — full-on essays.
Turns out, he told his family about me, sacked off a couple of other girls he had been seeing and generally showed all the signs of being SUPER keen.
He asked to see me again later, so I drove down to see him again and experienced what was the best date in my life.
We walked his dog, we went to his favorite restaurant, drank far too much gin and it all felt really right. There was chemistry, there was excitement and there was a genuine attraction between us.
The messages continued, and he suggested seeing me again.
About a week later, a girl I knew he’d been sleeping with uploaded a photo of them together.
Being an incredibly honest person, I confronted him about it straight away and asked him if he was single. Apparently, this was just a girl who was a bit crazy and obsessive, and he said I had nothing to worry about.
Greg confirmed this and said there was nothing going on and that Mark was definitely a single man. Fast forward a week or two to between Christmas and New Year, when we’d planned to see each other again. He came down to London to watch a big footy game with me and a few of my colleagues.
He was incredibly charming, made an effort with everyone and, after a few drinks, ended up talking about how excited he was about where this was going and the fact he’d told the ‘crazy girl’ that it was all over.
We stayed over the night London, and he drove us back to his place the following day.
Then, it all got a bit weird.
He barely spoke to me while I was at his place, and although I knew he was hungover and tired, he didn’t even bother to say goodnight to me.
The next morning, I got up ridiculously early, and he dropped me at the station so I could catch a train home.
He kissed me goodbye, and despite the awkwardness the evening before, I didn’t want to overthink things and figured he would get over his strop.
I didn’t hear from him that day, so the following day, I messaged saying thanks for coming to London and that I’d had a lot of fun.
I got no reply.
Now, it’s almost three weeks later, and I still haven’t gotten a response or an explanation. He hasn’t deleted me off social media, and last week, the ‘crazy girl’ took down the photo of them together.
It was a complete 180. In the span of 48 hours, Mark went from telling me how excited he was to see me, making all these ridiculous plans and sending me ridiculously long essays, to not even bothering to say thank you for the match tickets or telling me that he really isn’t that fussed about seeing me again.
The only information I had was Greg telling Alice that Mark had randomly decided he didn’t want anything with anyone and was cutting off contact with all girls.
I’m not entirely sure why he chose to ghost me, and I’m not entirely sure what the hell went wrong, as we both had such a good time. But I’m guessing he freaked out, backed off and didn’t have the balls to tell me.
It was completely out of the blue, and I asked for absolutely nothing from him. I was perfectly happy with how it things were and didn’t demand any time, effort or commitment at all.
I mean, I didn’t even cut ties with the boys I’d been seeing previously, as I really expected nothing serious at that point in time.
Now, of course, I know I don’t want to be with anyone who could treat a girl they supposedly care about like that, and I think he is a total idiot for how he failed to deal with the situation.
I’d have preferred him to be honest with me and tell me what we had wasn’t right, wasn’t going anywhere or whatever his reasoning was.
Ghosting is truly the coward’s way out, and if a man starts something up, it is HIS responsibility to finish it in a respectful manner if he wants to maintain a modicum of decency — particularly when his best mate is still chatting to my best mate on an almost daily basis. I never get it. I really don’t.
But I really, really don’t get this one.
I mean, maybe it’s just a guy/girl difference in the way we think, but does he not realize just HOW weird it is of him to fall off the face of the earth with no explanation when his best friend is boinking her best friend!?
She’s not just some random girl! They’re going to eventually run into each other, and it is — all thanks to him — going to be so awkward when that happens.
What do you guys think? Have you ever been in a situation like this? Do you see where he was coming from?
I want to know your opinions! Comment below.
I guess the biggest point to highlight here is that this girl is British, which means ghosting happens across the pond, too, you guys! NO ONE IS SAFE.