An almost relationship is a series of whys. Why did he spend so much time charming me, convincing me to fall? Why did he look at me with that level of passion and send me messages with such deep subtext? And why — why why why — didn’t it turn into a real relationship?
You mourn the loss of him in waves, because the ending between almost lovers is never concrete. Are you over, just because it’s been weeks since you’ve received a text? Because he’s in a relationship now? Because you’re in a relationship now?
You never know when your almost relationship is on a hiatus, when he’s busy and stressed and your love is planning on making a comeback — or when it’s officially, irreparably over. You never get the closure you need.
Almost relationships mean disappointment. They mean getting your hopes up and having them come barreling down. They mean letting your high expectations drop miles below their original level. They mean wasted time and tears and unanswerable questions.
But almost relationships aren’t a missed opportunity, not at all, because you both knew where you stood. You didn’t have to make a love confession. You didn’t have to ask him to be your boyfriend. You didn’t have to do anymore than you did. There’s nothing to regret, because he knew.
He knew you liked him. And you knew (thought?) he liked you. It should’ve turned into more, but it didn’t.
Why? Because the timing wasn’t right. Because he was a coward. Because you didn’t want to ruin what you already had. Because that’s the way life goes.
Almost relationships are beauty turned ugly. Pleasure turned sorrow. Hope turned faithless.
Almost relationships give you a glimpse of Eden and then yank you back to your loveless reality. They’re reminders of the girlfriend you could have been and never will be. Of what you could have had but lost forever.
But the reminders aren’t all bad. No. Almost relationships remind you to hold onto anything worthwhile. The next time it happens, the next time you graze love, you won’t let it slip through your fingertips. You’ll take hold of it and won’t let go. You won’t let something special become another almost.
You won’t let hours worth of texting lead up to nothing. You won’t let your secrets slide into his ears and then watch him walk away, still carrying them. You’ll do more. You’ll be more.
Because you deserve more than a temporary love. You deserve a forever love. An everything love.
You didn’t get that with him, but you’ll get it one day. And that day keeps getting closer.