You Can Still Move On, Even If You Never Find Closure

by Ike Obudulu Last updated on March 18th, 2017,
Unsplash, Eric Nopanen
Unsplash, Eric Nopanen

He was the one. And now he is gone. Before I could grasp what had happened, he was out of my life. No goodbyes, no reasons, no justifications — he just left on a whim.

And I was left to deal with the open ends and all the questions. I was left to find closure.

After numerous unanswered calls (some drunk, some sober) and numerous messages, here I am — bearing my heart to the world.

Immediately after the breakup, I spoke to many friends and family members. While it helped a lot, it didn’t give me what I needed — closure.

And that’s how knew I was strong. I was capable of feeling only love and not hatred for you. In spite of everything you have done, in spite of how much my life fell apart after you left, I only have love for you.

And I do believe in the goodness of people, I do dream of a better world, I do smile when I see a kind act and I do believe in love.

I refuse to give up on the one thing that has the power to unite us all. It may be a Utopian world that I dream of, but I can try to do my part in the grand scheme of things.

I have questioned myself. I have fallen down and picked myself up, but I have accepted that people change and people move on — or maybe they go through phases.

No matter how much I question you or your motives, I will never have the answers. I can only accept what happened and move on — and accepting or moving on doesn’t mean admitting defeat or giving up.

I can continue to love you in my own way, almost as if nothing ever existed but this non-reciprocated love. I can choose to savor the sweet memories we shared rather than being embittered about it ending too early.

It’s too soon to think of a life where you are not by my side. I would rather hope for one where I can embrace you each night. And that is what keeps me going — and I don’t see why it’s wrong. I may be hoping against hope, but this what I have left right now, and I am willing to try anything to make this life a little better.

As time passes by, I will learn to live without you by my side – maybe it will happen in a few months or maybe it will take a couple of years, but it will happen.

In the meantime, I will embrace new things and make space in my heart and life for things that make me happy — adventures, friends, writing and so much more. I wish to be encompassed by it all and one day, one lucky day, I will know and accept what it’s like to live without you.

Until then, I am holding onto you, and that’s okay.  

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