Lori Loughlin, Michael Avenatti, Julian Assange share jail cell on ‘SNL’

by Kim Boateng Posted on April 14th, 2019

This weekend’s edition of Saturday Night Live opened with a sketch lampooning the recent legal woes of actress Lori Loughlin, lawyer Michael Avenatti and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.

SNL player Kate McKinnon channeled Loughlin, cast-mate Pete Davidson played Avenatti and guest star Michael Keaton portrayed Assange. All three have been arrested for various crimes in recent weeks.

In an episode of a faux MSNBC show called Lockup: Chino Correctional Facility, the three shared a jail cell where each person boasted about how he or she is the craziest in the place.

“I paid $500,000 to a women’s crew coach to say my daughter was good at rowing. I’m loco,” Loughlin said, referring to her recent arrest as part of college admissions cheating scandal.

Told by an inmate she won’t survive more than a week behind bars, the Fuller House and Hallmark Channel actress replied: “You think prison is hard? I have done 68 Hallmark movies. I’ve seen hell, man. And, in half of those movies, I marry Santa’s son, so I have lost all sense of reality. I’m going to take your heart and I’m going to cut it out.”

“I’m accused of crimes you can’t even conceive of,” said Avenatti, who has suddenly appeared in the room.

“Like blackmailing a sneaker company and stealing taxes from a coffee shop,” he added. “I’m so shady that a porn star once said that she needed to distance herself from me. And you know what the worst part is? I might still run for president. Avenatti-Baldwin 2020. ”

“He wins. He’s the craziest,” Loughlin said.

“Is he, though?” asks Assange, who has now joined the scene.

“I’m the architect of anarchy. I’m the king of chaos. I’m the scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy,” Assange said, threatening to release the inmates’ private photos and documents online if they bother him.

“I am an actual James Bond super-villain and I am one step away from destroying the god-damn moon,” Assange said. “So, you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let’s get nuts!”

“He wins. I yield my time,” Avenatti said.

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